I have been fairly open about my experience in dealing with
the Canadian Legal system as a victim of domestic violence. Let me be very clear that I am in no way
looking for a shoulder to cry on, or your sympathy, my intentions in writing
this is to try to draw a clear picture of what I am faced with and the impact
these crimes have on those who are affected.
I didn’t see the red flags when we first started dating,
because abusers know better, it’s a slow and calculated dance they perfect to
ensure that by the time you think you might be in trouble they have isolated
you from your friends, made you feel like you are to blame for a lot of it, and
become so entwined in your life that you wonder if it’s just easier to stay
than to try and untangle yourself from this person.
I should have left when he stole from me the first
time. I should have left when he knocked
the wind out of me the first time. I
should have left when he cheated on me the first time. I should have left when
he chased me up the stairs screaming at me the first time. I should have left
when he choked me the first time. I
should have left when he raped me the first time. I should have left when my
friends and family accused him of stealing the first time. I should have left when he refused to take me
to the hospital when I had a kidney infection the first time. I should have, but I didn’t….after all, I wasn’t
one of those women with black eyes
and bruised ribs.
The night I left I had nothing but a small bag and my two
dogs, and as we ran across a room full of broken glass to my car I was
convinced that it was over, that I could breathe. Silly me.
After a week of constant texts, voicemails, emails from him
blaming me, apologizing to me, begging me, threatening me, laughing at me…I
learned that he had a criminal history and had even spent time in a federal penitentiary…I
guess he forgot to mention that on the first date. He had over 35 prior convictions including
stalking and harassing ex-girlfriends.
Nothing can prepare you for what I have had to live with
over the last five years.
A brief summary:
- He trashed my car twice (over $5,000 in damage
each time)
- He called me daily/weekly from a payphone and
threatened my life
- He created over a dozen email addresses and fb
profiles and harassed me on my personal page, the business page of where my
dogs went to daycare, and on the business page of where I worked. He sent me verbally abusive messages, he
threatened to end my life, and he promised he would never stop until my life
was over
- He applied for credit in my name and was
approved
- He hacked into my e-mail and e-mailed my
contacts pretending to be me
- He broke into my rental unit in Okotoks and cut
every single electrical wire in the unit, stole over $1,000 of my tenants property
- He smeared feces and snot on the door to my
rental unit and threw rotten fruit onto the balcony at all hours
- He would message me and tell me how much fun it
was following me and watching me
- He put my personal belongings on kijiji for sale
- He tampered with every single house I moved to
(from breaking lights to leaving gates open)
- He has broken every restraining order he has
been issued
- He figured out the name of who I was dating and
sent them a friend request
- He told my lawyer that if I didn’t try to get
the charges against him dropped, he would never cooperate in the divorce (and
has not to this day)…after $16,000 I had to let my lawyer go because I could no
longer afford to fight
- I lost a dream job because of his actions
- I have had to move over six times
- I have changed my phone number over four times
- I have had to change my e-mail address three
times
- I have had to change vehicles three times
Once I left I did what I was supposed to do. I called the police every.single.time. I wrote statements, went in for interviews,
provided evidence, and cooperated. Of
everything listed above he was only ever charged with about eleven crimes, and
of those the crown prosecutor only felt about five had enough evidence to be
worth going to court over (the rest get dropped), and of those five, TWO were
strong enough to be found guilty beyond reasonable doubt…because judge and jury
don’t get to know about the 35 prior convictions OR the pending charges unless
he’s found guilty.
Why am I writing this now? Because yesterday the accused was
sentenced to 18 months conditional house arrest for one of the charges (the
crown was hoping for 18 months behind bars)…that means that he is allowed to go
to work, go to the store, go to any personal appointments, and continue to
further his education (thanks to his cushy new union job). He will have to be in his home between the
hours of 9pm and 5am every day, and is not allowed to consume alcohol or
drugs. He only has to stay 10 meters
away from me. 10 meters is about the
distance of across the street from my home, which means should he find out
where I am living, he is legally entitled to park across the street from my
house and watch me. Oh right, and let’s not forget the mandatory $100.00 he is
ordered to pay me in restitution for his crimes.
I have had to endure three years of court dates where I have
been questioned and cross examined, and made to feel like I’m lying and making
things up. I have had to tell my story
over and over and over again to each new police officer that attended my calls. I have lost friends, I have been doubted by
those I trusted, and I have been told to “move on” more times than I can
recall. But I did it, and I stayed
strong, I persevered in the name of justice, because that IS what we are
supposed to do, when someone wrongs us we put our trust in the justice system
to protect us.
There is nothing just about what I and thousands of other
victims have had to endure. We have
nothing more than a legal system with a flawed design to keep criminals out of
jail…I’m not sure how to end this article because the truth is there is no end
in sight.
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